part of me wants to be seven and careless.
part of me wants to be back in your bed.
part of me wants to be forty and settled.
part of me wants to be dead.
(Source: jvsxn, via heart-shapedbruise)
I feel like this year a lot is going to change, like almost everything I feel like I’m shedding my old skin and becoming someone completely new, I guess thats just what challenges do to you. I feel like a lot of the people I was once close with I won’t be anymore but it’s okay because I’ll find new friends and I think I’m ready for this change even though it terrifies me.
Its strange how long its been since I was last on tumblr so much has changed and so much is different, yet it always seems I come back here when I’m at my saddest. I literally had the best couple of months (after I lost my job at tijuanna). I met someone and I really thought I was actually going to be happy, it was a nice illusion for a while but something in me knew it wasn’t going to last, I think the worst part of it is that I’m constantly worrying and thinking about what was wrong with me and also that I can’t really express to people how much it actually hurt me because I literally only knew him for three months(and thats not long enough for you to fall for someone that much right?) so I’ve mostly just been keeping it to myself but it hurts and I feel like I’m the problem and that I’ll never find someone that will ever like me for all my weirdness and everything else that comes with it. I hate feeling like this. I constantly think about him and the memories come flooding back every time and it sucks and hurts and I just wish there was a way to just erase everything from the last couple months. I know in a few months I probably won’t even think about him and I’ll even wondered why I was so hung up on him in the first place but for now I’m just going to be sad.
When you really need to be social and your home alone.
I hate those days where you feel like complete shit like you don’t matter to anyone. fuck.
